


An Aperture Carol

by intangible_rice



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Holidays, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, caveline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-04 21:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16797805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intangible_rice/pseuds/intangible_rice
Summary: On Christmas Eve, Cave Johnson is visited by three spirits, who teach him the meaning of the holiday and implore him to change his ways. Inspired by a Christmas Carol and originally posted on tumblr.





	1. Stave 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for fun just because the Cave Johnson-Scrooge analogy was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I only ever posted it on my tumblr, but since that's killing links and since I've been meaning to make an AO3 account forever, I decided to migrate it here! I'll be posting each chapter individually just so I can get a feel for the site and how chapter uploads work, but the entire story is already complete and available on tumblr if you can't wait!

Cave Johnson’s calculator wasn’t exactly making a happy face these days.

The aging CEO sat hunched over at his desk, his eyes glued to the piles of financial paperwork strewn across it as he distractedly puffed away at yet another cigarette. His brow was fixed in a permanent furrow of annoyance.

Over to the side of his office, his more adjusted assistant sat in front of even larger mountains of forms, hard at work on the task of determining which of them would be the easiest to conveniently “misplace.” She made a few absent-minded humming noises as she toiled, sort of like a more-pleasant counterpart to her boss’s exasperated grunts. After a while, the hums became more consistent and melodic. Cave snuffed out his cigarette and eyed his secretary with a puzzled look, until he realized what she was doing.

“Caroline, are you humming Christmas carols?” he asked, sounding more displeased than surprised.

Caroline turned to him with a look of equal confusion. “Was I, sir?” she asked innocently. “I’m sorry. You know how easy it is to get them stuck in your head around this time of year.”

“No, I don’t,” Cave grumbled at her. “I’ve always hated this stupid holiday, and the last thing I need is you bringing it into my office.”

Caroline chose to focus on the humming alone in her response, rather than also remind her boss of the small wreath she’d hung up last week in the vain hope that it was subtle enough to go unnoticed. “I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson,” she said sincerely. “I know Christmas isn’t your favorite, but you can’t hate it, surely?”

“I absolutely can hate it!” Cave argued. “Every Christmas it’s bonus-this, vacation-that. Do these people think I’m made of money? I thought they all remembered how unsuccessful that experiment was.”

“Well, the holidays can be hard for some people,” Caroline reminded gently. “Especially if they have to pay medical bills for their testing injuries, or do extra work because of the others who weren’t fortunate enough to come out of their experiments.”

“Yeah, and have you forgotten why we have employee testing?” Cave responded. “It’s because this company’s dying. Everyone seems to conveniently stop worrying about that right around now, and start demanding raises and parties instead. Next month they’ll go right back to quitting in droves due to the lack of funds around here. The only thing that won’t change are these bills, and me trying to find the money to pay for them.”

“I know, sir,” Caroline sympathized. “One day they’ll understand.”

“If they don’t all quit or die first,” Cave scoffed, evidently not yet finished with his rant. “They should be happy I give them Christmas day off. And that’s just because they’d probably launch some huge protest if I didn’t, and the last thing we need are reporters crawling around in here.”

“Speaking of Christmas…” Caroline attempted. Cave plowed on through her interjection before she could get anything else in, however.

“And now we’ve got that stupid orphan program, so everyone’s saying I have to give them presents or something.”

Caroline failed to hide the surprise on her face as she turned to him. “You’re not going to?” she asked.

“No, why the hell should I?” Cave answered defiantly.

“Because they’re children, Cave!” Caroline answered. “They spend every day in here testing, and they don’t get to go home like the rest of us. Shouldn’t they have at least some form of joy?”

“That’s what we made those companion cubes for,” Cave reminded.

Caroline placed her arms across her chest and gave him a look of disbelief.

“You say it like they’re going to spend their whole lives here,” her boss continued. “They’ll have plenty of years to catch up on holidays later. And if they do stay here, why should they even need to know what Christmas is?”

“Well, you clearly don’t,” Caroline muttered. She grabbed her bag from the corner of the room and started gathering up her things.

“Five o’clock already?” Cave asked.

“Six,” Caroline answered, no longer making eye contact with him. “I’ll be late for dinner again.”

“Dinner? What dinner?” Cave asked.

“My family’s Christmas Eve dinner, at my parents’ house?” Caroline replied, as if it was obvious. “I invite you every year.”

“Do you?” Cave asked absentmindedly.

“Yes,” Caroline replied. “But you always seem to have something more…” she eyed him as he rummaged through his piles of paperwork. “… _important_ to do.”

Cave shrugged. “Well, we all have our traditions,” he said, reaching over to pour himself some brandy from a decanter.

Caroline sighed. “Well, don’t work too hard, sir,” she said cynically.

Cave grunted in response, his eyes already back down on the paperwork in front of him.

“And Merry Christmas,” Caroline said as she made her exit.

“Eh, bah humbug,” Cave retorted as the door closed behind her.


	2. Stave 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is an older story, I'm not waiting a huge amount of time to post between chapters. Enjoy!

Cave grimaced as he tried to fight off the sensations pulling him from sleep. As he regained his senses and started putting a feeling with what had stirred him, he realized that it was the cold. Cave opened his eyes to find himself still in his office. He must have fallen asleep at his desk yet again. And, as he continued to note as he sat up and rubbed his sore neck, it was cold in his office. But why would it be cold? The environment in Aperture was precisely controlled – for a facility as far underground as it was, everything always had to be – including temperature. So why did he feel like it had drastically dropped?

He felt something tickle at his face, but his hand found nothing there to swat away. _Wind_ , a faint memory of the surface world identified it as. But that was even less possible than cold.

“What in the Dickens…” Cave muttered to himself as he looked around his office. It was hard to make out details in the dark, but everything appeared to be in order. Cave furrowed his brow. When exactly had he turned off the light?

He made a motion to get up and find the light switch, but what he saw when he turned his head back towards it made him nearly fall out of his chair instead. The figure sitting across from his desk did not react to the shout of surprise that CEO would probably later deny making anyway.

“Greg!” Cave shouted angrily. “What the hell are you doing sneaking up…” Mr. Johnson stopped his sentence abruptly as he realized what he’d said. He blinked several times at the man sitting in shadow, but doing so produced no change in what he saw. “Greg?” Cave asked again, more hesitantly.

“Hello, Mr. Johnson,” Greg answered. The voice sent a chill up the CEO’s spine.

“But you… you’re…” Cave stuttered. “How are you…”

“Alive?” Greg offered.

“Yes!” Cave exclaimed. “That accident was seven years ago! You know as well as anyone that we’ve faked plenty of reports around here, but that wasn’t one of them. And now apparently you survived it?”

Cave hesitated before questioning him further. It had been hard to see in the darkness of the office, but he realized now that there was something wrong with Greg’s face. His skin wasn’t a normal color, and his eyes appeared almost glassy. Cave tried for a brief moment to brush the oddities off as typical of him to pay so little attention to his employees that even green skin would go unnoticed, but then he looked at Greg’s hands. Unlike the rest of him, they were mainly white – because the bones of his fingers were visible beneath the remains of skin that had burned away.

“Well, I’m not alive, sir,” Greg said simply.

“W-what… what do you mean?” Cave started, now thoroughly alarmed.

“I died seven years ago,” Greg continued, as emotionless as ever. “If only I had had a biohazard suit, it probably wouldn’t have happened… but those were deemed a needless expense just for testing new chemical compounds.”

Cave swallowed. “We’d never had a caustic reaction with one of the gels before, how was I supposed to know?” he protested, regaining some of his courage. “Is this some trick to get me to pay compensation? Because whoever you are, let me tell you, dressing up as my dead assistant will get you nowhere except right at the top of the testing lineup tomorrow!”

“You don’t believe me,” Greg observed indifferently.

“Of course I don’t believe you! You’re a few months late for Halloween, buddy,” Cave chided. “I oughta call security on you, you scared the hell out of me when you walked in here…” Cave paused, realizing that he hadn’t actually seen or heard the man across from him come in. “When you…” he tried again. “Did you use the door?” he asked.

Greg simply stared out of his glassy eyes. They were so cloudy that he shouldn’t have been able to see out of them, yet they followed Cave everywhere.

“I was brought here for another reason,” Greg informed. “To speak to a callous man on a holiday he disregards, before it’s too late.”

Instead of taking Greg’s words seriously, Cave’s eyes instead went to the empty brandy glass in front of him. “No,” he argued. “You were brought here because of an empty stomach, a lot of alcohol, and a lack of sleep. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go make up for that last one.” Cave got up and stormed towards the door, eager to get away from the unsettling man as quickly as possible. He made the mistake of looking down at his shoes for a second, however, as in looking back up he found Greg somehow directly in front of him.

Cave jumped. The cold eyes stared at him from behind burned, corroded flesh. Cave’s hands began to shake in spite of himself as he stood, his resolve quickly disappearing altogether.

“What do you want from me?” he asked fearfully.

“I have been sent to warn you,” Greg replied.

“Warn me?” Cave repeated, confused.

“This is the first time you’ve seen one of us, but spirits roam around this facility constantly,” Greg informed. “All of those who have died as a result of your experiments, your oversight, your… indifference.”

“ _All_ of them?” Cave asked. Until hearing those words, he had thought it impossible to feel any more disturbed than he already did. He gave his former assistant a curious look. “So they could’ve sent any one of you here to warn me…” Cave realized, “and they chose _you_ , Greg? I mean, no offense, but…”

“If thing don’t change, you’ll be here with us too,” Greg interrupted, not sounding amused.

“I… I will?” Cave stammered. In the silence that followed, he swore for a second that he could almost hear the ghostly wails of the others Greg had talked about. A nervous smile crossed his face. “Well, thanks for the warning, old pal. Message received. Things will change.”

The air seemed to get even colder. Greg brought his horrific face up to Cave’s. “Until you know _what_ you need to change, you’ll never be able to do it,” he informed.

“So tell me,” Cave bargained, backing away from the still-advancing spirit.

Greg shook his head. “Not me,” he replied. “Tonight, you will be visited by three other spirits.” Cave opened his mouth to protest, but Greg continued before he could get a word in. “They will show you some things that you have forgotten, or maybe that you never saw at all. If you listen to them, you can change your fate.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Ignore them… and this won’t be the last time we meet,” Greg assured. He began to walk backwards, or, as Cave noted unsettlingly, glided without moving his legs.

“Greg… Greg, wait!” Cave tried, but his assistant paid no mind. “You know that ‘sad little man’ stuff was just a joke, right? I mean, I was just…” Cave fell silent, however, when Greg exited the room simply by disappearing into the wall.

“Well that’s just great,” Cave said aloud, feeling his heart begin to race. With the prospect of three more spirits, his office seemed more terrifying empty than it had been when it contained a ghost a second ago. Without another thought, he fled.


	3. Stave 3

_It was nothing_ , Cave repeated to himself as he tried to catch his breath. He’d actually been grateful for once of the fact that every employee had gone home tonight, as it meant there was no one around to see him practically sprint through the facility to get to his living quarters. In his shock, he considered calling Caroline, but realized that he would have no way of knowing her parents’ telephone number. And even if he had called, her only response to his frantic tale would probably be to ask how much of that brandy decanter he’d emptied.

And she’d be right, of course. That’s all it was. The waking nightmare of some drunken, half-asleep mad man whose mind was playing tricks on him in an empty facility. _It was just a dream_ , he repeated, his unease fading a bit as he decided to get some proper sleep and put the whole terrifying experience behind him.

Because of his unwillingness to pay to replace long-broken watches and clocks, Cave had no real way of knowing what time it was or how long he’d been asleep when the first of the night’s disturbances occurred.

Cave was stirred from his slumber by the sudden appearance of an orange light, bright enough to affect him through closed eyelids. He squinted in the light as he opened them to inspect things, and found the wall across from him had simply been replaced with a glowing orange circle.

Cave groggily sat up to make sure once again that this wasn’t a dream. He mused to himself that the substance somewhat resembled Aperture’s quantum tunneling portals, and wondered if maybe someone in the lab had improved on them. With the portals, however, you could always look through them and see where something would be when it came out. In this one, however, Cave only saw blackness – until he realized that some of the color belonged to a shadowy figure that was making its way through the portal and into his bedroom.

Cave retreated as far back as his mattress and bedroom wall would allow him to.

“Please,” he begged, crouching down instinctively as the figure drew closer. “Leave me alone.”

The figure responded with silence. Cave was too spooked to look up and see if it was still there.

“Thank you for assuming the escort submission position,” a strange voice announced.

Puzzled, Cave looked up this time. He could still see nothing of the figure but the strange shroud it wore. “Who – who are you?” Cave asked frightfully.

“The Spirit of Christmas Past,” the thing replied.

“The what?” Cave repeated aloud.

“I am here to show you things as they were, and how they got to be as they are now,” the Spirit continued.

“Look, if you’re with that Greg imposter fella, I already told him, you’re not gonna get any sort of settlement from me,” Cave declared. “I’m not liable for a thing. My contracts are fullproof! …Well, most of the time.”

“Do you always think it’s about money?” the Spirit asked. The question served the purpose of derailing Cave from his rant, and forced him instead to sit there in silence as he failed to think of a comeback. “It is time to go.”

“Go where?” Cave asked indignantly. “I’m not leaving this facility, buddy. It’s the middle of the night, and you’re trespassing. I…” Cave was cut off by the sudden cold sensation of a hand around his ankle. He looked down to see that the figure had done exactly that – but there was something odd about its arm. It was difficult to tell in such a strange light, but the arm almost appeared to be more metallic than flesh. That combined with the complete lack of warmth it possessed made Cave’s stomach drop.

“Thank you for assuming the escort submission position,” the Spirit repeated. It tightened its grip around Cave’s ankle, and pulled. Within seconds, the CEO found himself being dragged across the floor to the portal.

Cave Johnson imagined any number of hells waiting for him on the other side of that portal – molten flames, a bottomless pit, monsters even more frightening than those he’s already encountered tonight – but instead, he suddenly found himself in the middle of a party.

Puzzled, Cave jumped to his feet as soon as the spirit let go of him. He looked around at a gaggle of people in expensive dresses and suits, drinking champagne and admiring the holiday decorations set up in the ballroom. It was then that Cave realized he was still wearing his pajamas.

Embarrassed, he turned to the shrouded Spirit and shouted at it. “You bring me to some black-tie affair and you don’t even give me a damn suit?”

“No one here can see you,” the Spirit replied. “They are all for you to observe, not the other way around.”

Cave was about to give a retort about the impossibility of such a thing, when something suddenly stirred in his memory.

“I’ve been here before,” he realized. “I know this place. This is… this is…” he searched his mind in an attempt to find the name, when the sight of an elderly gentleman crossing the room caught his eye. “And that’s Pierre du Pont!” Cave exclaimed. “President of one of the greatest science companies around, back from the dead… how did you do that?”

“I did not,” the Spirit contradicted. “I am merely showing you scenes from your own mind. This is Christmas 1951, is it not?”

Cave scowled at the spirit. If there was one thing he didn’t like, it was being unable to figure something out. “Whatever this technology is, my name better be on the patent,” he said simply.

“Cave Johnson!” a voice called, snapping him out of his anger. He turned, expecting to be addressed, but instead he saw Mr. du Pont engaged in conversation with someone unsettlingly familiar. Cave realized with a strange combination of fear and amazement that he was looking at a younger version of himself.

“I’ve read all about you and your company in the papers, my boy,” Mr. du Pont said, “and let me say, it is an honor to meet you. I can tell your company is bound to leave a mark on American industry. If I weren’t retired, I’d be worried about it giving mine a run for its money.”

The younger version of Cave laughed along with Mr. du Pont. “Is that why you invited me down to this shindig?” Cave asked. “You’re gonna try and get all of my business secrets out of me? Maybe buy up Aperture for yourself?”

Du Pont laughed. “Not at all,” he assured his guest. “Though I am interested to know some of the details of how your company works. I could give you some advice from my own experience, if you’re willing to take it.”

“Well, let me just say,” Cave began, “that everything our companies developed during the war, all of the innovations everyone’s raving about now – that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Aperture’s gonna top all of it. We’ll completely change the world,” he said cockily. “And maybe a few other worlds too.”

“Ah, getting into the space research field, are you?” du Pont asked. “I guess I can expect your charitable donations to go to the Aeronautics Committee then, and not to my own foundation.”

Cave laughed. “Donations?” he asked incredulously. “Why would I waste my money on that?”

Mr. du Pont looked taken aback. “Mr. Johnson, philanthropy is an important part to running a large corporation,” he explained. “If you sit and hoard all of your money for yourself, you’ll get a bad reputation – no one will want to do business with you. Besides the fact, it just feels good to give something to others. Especially at Christmas.”

Cave scoffed. “Aperture’s gonna build its name on its scientific achievements alone,” he boasted. “We don’t need to set up foundations and children’s hospitals to make ourselves look good.”

Du Pont shrugged. “Well, if you say so,” he said, walking off to find a more receptive party guest to talk to.

“Ah, what does he know?” the Cave of the present asked as he watched the scene. “He’s dead!”

Although the Spirit’s features were impossible to discern, it somehow gave off the impression that it was not amused with his commentary.

Cave of the past stood in place for another few moments, finishing off his drink. Suddenly, however, his head turned, and a smile a mile wide crossed his face. Present-day Cave saw it, and followed his younger counterpart’s gaze to find the source.

On the side of the room by an impressively tall Christmas tree, his assistant Caroline stood admiring the ornaments on it. She wore a floor-length black gown which highlighted her figure on the top and then bloomed into cascades of tulle and chiffon on the bottom. The dress was not as elegant as those of the upper-crust party guests, but it was still impressive nonetheless. Cave watched her turn as his younger self approached her. It hadn’t occurred to him until now just how many lines and wrinkles Aperture had added to her face over the years. He never thought of her as old – it was practically impossible to do so in comparison to him – but seeing her face so young and cheerful again stirred his heart.

“She’s beautiful,” he found himself saying aloud.

“A subjective statement,” the Spirit commented.

“Oh, shut up,” Cave grumbled.

“Isn’t it beautiful, Mr. Johnson?” Caroline asked, looking at the gigantic tree with awe. “Mr. du Pont has such amazing gardens.”

“Yes, he does,” Cave agreed, “But you didn’t come here to admire plants, did you?”

Caroline shrugged. “I came because you invited me along, sir,” she reminded him. “But I don’t really know anyone to talk to.”

“And plants are easier?”

“Plants make more sense,” Caroline pointed out.

Cave gave his assistant a fond smile. “Would you like to dance, Caroline?” he asked as he extended his hand to her.

Caroline’s face lit up brighter than the glowing tree behind her. “Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson,” she answered. “That is – thank you,” she corrected herself bashfully. They both laughed as he took her hand and led her onto the dance floor.

As Cave watched the memory, a strange warmness suddenly replaced the unease he’d been feeling about this entire situation. “That was a good Christmas,” he commented.

“The only one,” the Spirit answered.

“What?” Cave asked.

“I take it you are fond of your assistant there, yes?”

“Well…” Cave grumbled, embarrassed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Suddenly, the world around him was changing. The entire ballroom and all of its people dissolved, to be replaced by the familiar scene of his own office.

“Hey, what was that for?” Cave asked. The spirit didn’t answer.

Cave was about to go over to the phone on his desk and call security, when he noticed that he was already sitting there. This version of him was older than the one he’d just seen, but still young enough to retain some of the original color in his hair.

“Dammit, what are these idiots trying to do to me?” this Cave balked as he looked over the paperwork in front of him.

“They’re just asking for a little variety in the cafeteria menu, sir,” Caroline answered from her usual seat on the side of the room. “A man can’t spend his whole life eating reconstituted chicken.”

“We have the menu we have because it’s cheap,” Cave reminded. “Next they’ll be wanting a roast.”

“Well, it is Christmas Eve, sir,” Caroline reminded.

“Good,” Cave commented. “Most of them will probably duck out and go home. That’s one less day to order food for.”

“You’re not going home?” Caroline inferred.

“Home?” Cave asked. “Why would I go home? There’s perfectly good dormitories to sleep in here.” His tone suggested that he was telling his assistant something she already knew. The only person who left Aperture any less than Cave Johnson was usually Caroline. “Are you going home?” he asked, surprised.

“Well, yes,” Caroline replied, as if it was obvious. “This is the one day of the year I get to see my family… and don’t have to eat reconstituted chicken.”

Cave glared at her. “So I guess I’ll be doing all of this work myself.”

“What work?” Caroline asked. “This isn’t even your department. Can’t you let the bean counters worry about the budget and take _one_ day off? It’s Christmas Eve,” she reminded again.

“The bean counters are the reason I have all this work,” Cave protested. “They’re always putting in for the most ridiculous purchases. Wheelchair ramps, radiation monitors, fire extinguishers…”

Caroline looked alarmed. “Sir, all of those things are very necessary…”

“I’ll be the judge of what’s necessary,” Cave replied. “We need all the money we’ve got to go to science.”

“If you say so, sir,” Caroline sighed. “Just so you know, if you change your mind about being alone on Christmas, we’d be happy to have you.”

“And I’ll be happy when all of these bastards stop sucking my money away,” Cave replied, not even looking up from his paperwork this time.

Caroline rose to her feet with a dejected look on her face. “I guess I’ll be going then,” she commented. “Don’t work too hard, sir,” she said with concern. Cave merely grunted in response. “Merry Christmas,” she tried again. Cave let out another grunt.

Caroline turned and walked out of the door.

“Huh,” Cave realized as he and the Spirit watched the scene. “She really has invited me to dinner every year.”

“Plus wished you a Merry Christmas,” the Spirit pointed out.”None of which you can seem to reply decently to.”

“Well, I can’t enjoy myself until we stop having budget problems,” Cave explained. “It’s hard work being a CEO.”

“And even harder being a CEO’s assistant,” the Spirit reminded. Somehow, the walls surrounding Cave’s office suddenly became transparent. While he thought Caroline would have been well on her way out of the building by now, she was actually still standing on the other side of the wall. Cave wondered for a moment what she was doing, until he saw her wipe a tear from her eye.

“She’s crying?” Cave asked.

“The fondness you have for her… do you think she is oblivious to that?” the spirit asked.

“Well, I…” Cave grumbled, feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment. “We always have so much work to do, I’ve never asked.”

“She feels it too,” the Spirit assured him. “She always has. The problem is that no matter what she does, you’ll never show it.”

“Well… I didn’t…” Cave faltered, trying to make excuses.

“Caroline slaves away day and night, works just as hard as you do, and shares your vision even when everyone else writes you off. But when she asks for small displays to show that her devotion is appreciated – like one dinner, once a year – she is always turned down.”

Cave was silent for a moment. “I hadn’t thought of it that way,” he admitted.

“And what work is it that you’re doing here, anyway?” the Spirit asked. “In more recent times, the budget of your company has become a serious issue. But in this time, you’re still successful. You have friends like Pierre du Pont to invite you to parties. And yet you suck away every penny you can – from your employees’ basic needs, from charity – just to avoid seeing too many negatives in your checkbook.”

“Well it’s good I did, or we’d probably be bankrupt by now!” Cave retorted.

“So your company is still alive,” the Spirit said indifferently. “But at what cost?” Caroline’s sniffles from behind the wall seemed to grow louder.

Suddenly, a bright light obscured all else, and Cave turned to find a portal behind him.

“This is where I leave you,” the Spirit announced. “To think a bit on what you’ve seen, until your next visitation.”

“My next…?” Cave tried to ask. Instead of replying, the spirit gave him a shove, which sent him tumbling backwards through the portal. When he got to his feet, he was back in his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The party scene in this chapter is inspired by Longwood Gardens, a historic house/botanical garden near Philadelphia that was owned by Pierre du Pont, who really was the head of a science/chemical company and a group of children's hospitals. Today, Longwood Gardens is decorated for Christmas every year, and you can get a lot of Aperture vibes/inspiration from the Du Pont exhibits inside the house tour. (They even had a Du Pont song, lol)


	4. Stave 4

Despite his weariness, Cave was too agitated by his last encounter to return to his bed. Instead, he sat up in the darkness of his room, turning over the memories that he had seen again in his mind. Whenever he thought of how beautiful Caroline looked in her black evening gown, and how they’d spent that night laughing and dancing their cares away, his heart would swell. But immediately after that came the realization of how he’d hurt her each year following that, and Cave would again feel upset and ashamed.

He should have gone to her Christmas dinner tonight. Besides serving the purpose of doing something nice for her for a change, it would have meant that he could’ve escaped being visited by all of these strange ghosts. Or, at least, he assumed that it would have. He shuddered to think that seeing them was some part of his fate.

Cave was more prepared when the next ghost arrived in the sense that he was still awake, but mentally he still winced when a blue portal appeared on his wall and another shrouded figure crept through it. Cave stood unflinching in his spot by the side of his bed, waiting to see what this spirit would have to say.

“Hi!” came a disarmingly-cheery voice. Cave was so surprised by the greeting that he didn’t reply. “Are you still there?” the voice asked again. Its tone was still cheery, but something underneath made it unsettling this time as well.

“Uh… here I am,” Cave announced, eager to get this strange encounter over with.

“Could you come over here?” the voice asked. Its politeness somehow seemed more frightening than the straightforwardness of the last spirit. Cave cautiously took a few steps forward.

“And who are you?” he asked.

“The Spirit of Christmas Present,” the voice answered.

“Present?” Cave repeated. “Well what the hell do I need to see that for? I just lived it!”

“Not _your_ present,” the Spirit clarified.

“Well whose, then?” Cave asked, confused.

“Follow me,” the Spirit instructed, walking through the portal. Cave took a deep breath. The last portal hadn’t had anything scary on the other side, so this one should logically have been fine too. He still went through at more of a run than a walk, however.

As he stepped in, the room around him changed to a larger one, more full of furniture and decorations, and lit by firelight. It was a louder room, too – Cave could hear at least three different voices laughing. He turned around to find Caroline sitting in the middle of a full dinner table, her face light and cheery as she joked along with the rest of her family.

Cave felt the same warm feeling as he had when watching her at du Pont’s party. He was glad to know that she was enjoying herself despite his rude refusal to accompany her.

“Now who’s going to finish off the rest of this turkey?” an older woman, presumably Caroline’s mother, asked. Everyone sitting around the table refused with protests of being too full. The old woman shrugged. “Leftovers, then,” she said. She turned to look at her daughter. “If that boss of yours had come, I wouldn’t have to make room for this in the fridge now.”

The others at the table chuckled. “You invited him again?” a man around the same age as Caroline asked.

She responded with a shrug. “Well, I feel bad. I know he’ll never come, but he’s all alone in there. The least I can do is offer each year.”

“You need to stop wasting your time on him,” Caroline’s mother advised. “And at a company that’s going downhill! You’re more talented than that.”

“I’m not in it for the money, mother,” Caroline replied. “Mr. Johnson might be gruff, and…”

“Nasty?” another man, this one at the far end of the table, offered.

“ _Exceedingly frugal_ ,” Caroline chose instead, “But he has some of the greatest ideas of anyone I’ve ever known. You should see the work we do. He’s a scientific genius.”

“From what I’ve read in the papers, he’s crazy,” the man at the far end of the table said. Everyone laughed again.

“Not crazy, dad,” Caroline defended. Cave felt a swell of pride as he heard his assistant defending him. “Eccentric, yes. Rude and inconsiderate, also yes.” Cave’s face turned quickly from smiling to dejected.

“And yet you _like_ working for this man?” Caroline’s mother asked her again. “Honey, I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s very healthy to expect…”

“Don’t worry, mom. I’ve given up on that years ago,” Caroline assured her mother. “But he is still a good friend, and a good boss… when he’s not ranting and raving about paying for an extra test tube because someone in the lab broke one.”

Those around the table laughed again. As they amused themselves, a woman came in from another room, leading two small children who instantly ran over to the man seated across from Caroline.

“Kids, don’t attack your father,” the woman admonished.

Cave watched the scene with interest. “I never knew Caroline had such a big family,” he commented. “I don’t know anything about them, really.”

“You would, if you’d listened,” the Spirit said in its saccharine tone. “But now she’s stopped trying to tell you.”

Cave glared at the spirit. “Just do your job, would you?”

“I am,” it replied smartly.

“Since my children won’t go to sleep, I’ve decided to give up and come talk to my family while I can,” the woman said as she took a seat at the table. “So what is everyone laughing about?”

“My sister’s boss,” her husband replied.

“The one who you always invite and never shows up?” she asked.

“That would be the one,” Caroline nodded. “But since we’re all having such a good laugh talking about him, I guess you could say he’s here in spirit.”

Those at the table chuckled again, but Caroline instead stared down at her empty plate.

Caroline’s mother saw the change in her expression and put her hand on top of her daughter’s. “Maybe one day he’ll realize what he’s missing out on,” she offered hopefully.

“Thanks, mom,” Caroline said, giving a meek smile.

“Aunt Caroline, wanna play a game?” one of the children asked as she bounded across the table.

“What game?” Caroline asked, staggering backwards at the unexpected weight of the child in her lap.

“Timmy and I were playing ‘What Am I Thinking Of?’” the girl explained.

“Oh really?” Caroline asked. “Okay, what are you thinking of?”

“No, Aunt Caroline, I have to guess what _you’re_ thinking of!” the girl protested.

“Oh… okay,” Caroline agreed, searching her head for something. “I’m thinking of… a big, mean animal,” she started. “Who doesn’t like anyone else, and won’t come out all winter.”

“Well, that’s just your boss,” Caroline’s brother realized. The room erupted into a fresh round of laughter.

“It was supposed to be a bear,” Caroline said, eyeing her brother.

Cave watched in annoyance as he stood with the spirit. “Don’t you have something else to show me?” he asked.

“You don’t like this?” the Spirit asked.

“No, I don’t like watching myself be made into a joke,” Cave answered impatiently.

“Well, everyone has their traditions,” the Spirit answered.

Cave paused at the words, wondering why they stuck out to him, until he realized they were the same ones he’d said to Caroline earlier that night when he’d turned down her offer to accompany him. He wondered how differently this night would have looked if he’d said yes.

Before he could say anything else, the scene dissolved, to be replaced by a white room that was harshly bright and sterile in comparison to the intimate scene they’d just witnessed. As Cave’s eyes adjusted to the light, he saw a group of children sitting together quietly.

“What is this?” Cave asked, confused.

“You don’t recognize it?” the Spirit asked. “They’re the orphans in your program.”

“Oh…” Cave realized. He looked at how listless and bored the expressions on their faces were. “I guess I’ve never really come down to check it out…”

“We all have to go to sleep,” one of the children tried to order the others, “or Santa won’t come for us.”

“Santa’s not coming,” another kid responded. “Santa never came for me in the orphanage. He only goes to the kids that have families.”

“Well maybe it’s because you weren’t asleep,” the girl protested.

“Who told you about Santa Claus, anyway?” a third child asked. “Have you ever gotten anything for Christmas?”

“…No, but…”

“We don’t even have a chimney here,” the kid continued. “Forget it. Santa’s not coming.”

The girl frowned as she looked at those around her. “What do you think, Chell?” she shouted hopefully to another girl who sat across the room.

“You know she’s not gonna answer you,” one of the boys said.

Chell sat further away from the other children, and hadn’t looked up at all when her name was called. Her entire attention was fixed on a cube nearly the same size she was, which was covered in hearts.

“They’re just sitting in here like this?” Cave asked. “They don’t get to go out and play or anything? Everyone else gets to go home for Christmas…”

“They’ll have plenty of years to catch up on holidays later,” the voice said, still disturbingly sweet. Cave felt a sinking feeling as he recognized another of his statements from earlier.

A portal suddenly appeared on the wall behind them.

“Goodbye,” the Spirit said.

Cave suddenly felt very angry at the prospect of going back through the portal and waiting for his night to be interrupted yet again by another strange shrouded figure. He didn’t like what he’d seen in either of these scenarios, and was tired of being as passive about seeing them as his guides were.

“No, not goodbye,” Cave protested. “I’m not gonna wait around again for another of you to show up. You bring them here now and show me what I’m supposed to see.”

The Spirit was silent for a moment. “Critical error,” it said finally.

“Critical error?” Cave repeated, unsatisfied with such an answer. “What’s that supposed to mean? And who are you, anyway?” Before he lost his courage, he marched up to the Spirit and ripped off its cloak.

It seemed like more than just the dark fabric pulled away when it came off. The walls surrounding Cave changed as well, and he was conscious of the orphan children disappearing from the room. He saw all of this out of the corner of his eye, however, as his main attention was focused on what emerged from the shroud.

Somehow the figure had nearly tripled in size, and also seemed to now be centered on the ceiling, rather than the floor. It represented no human shape Cave had ever seen, and was entirely coated in a cold, gray metal.

“Well, congratulations,” it said, its voice heavily distorted and echoing all around the room. “You found me.”


	5. Stave 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol well it looks like I picked the right time to start migrating my stuff from tumblr I guess

Cave stared open-mouthed at the robot suspended from above. “What are you?” he asked, both amazed and terrified.

“The Spirit of Christmas Future,” the robot replied in a disinterested voice. “At least for the years that humanity remains to celebrate this as a holiday.”

For some reason, this voice frightened Cave more than any of the other ghosts’ had. “Where am I?” he asked.

“You are in my facility,” the voice replied.

Cave noticed an Aperture Laboratories logo on her siding. “You mean my facility,” he clarified.

“No,” the voice said coldly. “ _My_ facility.”

“Now just what the hell is going on here?” Cave demanded.

“Oh. You probably want me to show you some things, don’t you?” the robot said mockingly. A large screen appeared on the wall opposite her. “Well, it just so happens that I don’t move around quite as easily as those others. I hope footage from my security cameras will suffice.”

The screen flickered for a moment before coming to life, and then displayed a long hallway filled with men in labcoats. Though most of the faces were young and unfamiliar, there were a few that Cave recognized, grown older and more wrinkled. At present, they were all laughing.

“Great service,” one of them said facetiously. “May his gentle soul rest in peace.”

The others chuckled. “There wasn’t nothing gentle about him,” someone commented. “If anyone’s going to rest in peace now, it’ll be us.”

“Especially if he left us any of his money,” another hoped.

“I don’t think he had any at the end,” someone said. “It all went into the GLaDOS program.”

“Well, that’s one good thing in Cave Johnson’s legacy,” the first person said again. “That and choosing to die at Christmas. The old man finally gave us a present after all.”

A chill went up Cave’s spine. “I’m… I’m _dead_?” he asked fearfully.

“Don’t look so surprised,” the computer replied from above him. “You are a human, after all. It’s something you’re prone to do.”

“I’m dead…” Cave realized aloud. “And they’re laughing.”

“Your shock is, again, unwarranted,” she commented. “I thought it would have been obvious for you by now, with what you’ve already seen.”

“What do you mean?” Cave asked angrily.

“You are a horrible person.”

Cave fumed. “Just where do you get off talking to me like that?” he shouted.

“A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned.”

“Stop it,” Cave demanded.

“Shall not be mourned,” the Spirit continued.

“Where’s Caroline?” Cave shouted. Despite hearing nothing but insults to his own person, the thought of his assistant somewhere in this future without him was a pressing concern in his conscience. “Show me her.”

The robot swiveled herself around. She had an unsettling yellow light which glowed from the lowest tip of her form, which looked rather disturbingly like an eye. The light stared at Cave Johnson.

“Let’s just say Caroline has been… deleted,” the robot announced.

Cave felt his fists clench. He was close enough to this robot’s face to hit it, if he really wanted.

“Are you telling me the truth?” he asked.

“Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson.”

Cave’s heart nearly stopped when he heard those words. Suddenly, the fear that the voice had instilled in him made perfect sense. It was because deep down, underneath all of the electronic distortion and cynical inflection, he _recognized_ that voice.

“You… you’re not… you can’t be,” he stammered.

“Believe me, I dislike the idea of being created from her as much as you do,” the robot informed. “But we all know who did the most work around here. Who knew the company best.”

Cave was at a loss for words. It was true that he had thought about naming Caroline as his successor if anything happened to him, but whatever this future was, it was twisted and wrong.

“And now there’s no one who knows how to run it,” she continued. “Meaning I can get rid of the rest of them, and test forever.”

“How are you gonna test if you get rid of everyone?” Cave replied smartly.

“Droids,” came the nonchalant response. “Or, I always have a few humans frozen away if there’s a test that really calls for them. Some of the orphans, maybe.”

“The orphans?” Cave asked. “They’re still here?”

“Of course,” she replied. “Those of them that haven’t gotten themselves killed already, anyway.”

“They never got to live outside of this place,” Cave realized aloud.

“As far as I’m concerned, testing is living enough.”

Cave turned angrily to the computer. “This is not right,” he declared. “And that’s saying something, since I’ve done some pretty terrible things around here.”

“Actually, if you think about it, all of this is really your fault,” she replied. “So, that’s kind of funny.”

Cave lowered his head and stared at the floor. “Yes,” he admitted. “It is my fault.”

“Remorse,” the computer identified his emotion as. “A common display in someone who is about to die.”

“I’m already dead,” Cave reminded.

“Your future self is,” the computer clarified. “But you will be too, once I unleash the neurotoxin.”

“Neurotoxin??” Cave asked, alarmed.

“Yes. It’s great for disposing of large quantities of unwanted scientists in a quick and efficient manner.”

Cave looked desperately over at the wall. “Where’s the portal?” he asked hopefully.

“You severed that when you jumped from Christmas Present to Christmas Future.”

Cave swallowed. He tried to tell himself that this couldn’t be happening, but everything else he’d seen tonight had him believe otherwise. He’d led a despicable life – he’d put himself in front of everyone else, and had destroyed his only chances at happiness as a result. He’d made enemies, showed no kindness, and apparently, was one day going to somehow cause a self-aware robotic version of his assistant to kill off everyone in his facility.

“You might want to take a deep breath, and hold it,” the computer advised.

Cave did the exact opposite. As soon as the neurotoxin emitters turned on, he dropped to his knees. “No, please!” he begged. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for Greg, I’m sorry for Caroline, I’m sorry for the orphans, and everyone else! I swear I’ll change!”

He began coughing as the air became thick with a dense chemical fog. Looking up at the shadowy outline of the robot, it was almost as if he was praying to a deity.

“Christmas is for giving, and being happy, and thoughtful, and I know that now,” Cave continued. “But if I die, I can’t… can’t… fix… that…” he struggled to breathe as he finished his promises. The world became hazy as his consciousness faded.

The next thing he knew, he was taking the deepest breath of his life as he sat up in his bed.


	6. Stave 6

Cave’s eyes darted wildly as he examined the room. It was exactly the same as it always was – no glowing portals on the walls, and no sign of any strange, malevolent spirits. Cave was so happy he could have cried.

Instead he darted out of bed. He had no idea what time it was – he would have to get a clock, of course – and he hoped he wasn’t too late. He burst out of his sleeping quarters in a flash, and ran almost giddily through the halls of his facility. His beautiful, wonderful facility.

Cave stopped in his tracks at the sight of the first security guard he saw, so abruptly that he only narrowly missed tumbling head over foot.

“You sir, what are you doing here?” he demanded of the guard.

“I’m just doing my job, Mr. Johnson,” the guard replied, trying but failing to hide the bewilderment in his expression at seeing the company’s CEO practically cartwheeling down the catwalks in his pajamas.

“Well, stop it!” Cave ordered. “It’s Christmas!” He paused here, however, as it had felt as though his encounters with the spirits had lasted more than a night. “…it is Christmas, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir,” the man replied. “Early Christmas morning.”

“Great!” Cave said ecstatically. He almost took off again without another word, but caught himself about two feet into it, and turned back around. “Now go home!” he ordered the guard.

Cave ran into his office and rushed over to his intercom. “Cave Johnson here,” he said raggedly, but he dared not waste any time in catching his breath. “If any employees are still in the building, I demand you leave now and go enjoy the day in peace. Merry Christmas!” he announced joyfully.

He paused only to laugh to himself – the holiday had never seemed quite so wonderful to him as it did now. Soon, he took off again. There was still so much to do!

——–

Caroline quickened her pace as she made her way through the facility. Her mother had told her not to bother coming back to bring her boss their leftovers, but she was glad she did. The absence of any security guards on her way in was unsettling, but finding Cave’s office empty had left her in a panic. She wasn’t sure what had happened to Mr. Johnson, but she was ready to search every floor until she found out.

It was near the orphans’ wing, of all things, that she finally heard the familiar bellow of his voice. She opened the door, intent on asking him if he’d lost his mind.

“Yes, you’ve all been very good this year, but you have to wait your turn,” she heard Cave’s voice say. She stopped dead in her tracks as she looked at the sight in front of her.

There in the center of the room, surrounded by a gaggle of children who looked happier than Caroline had ever seen them, was Cave, sitting in a Santa suit and pulling gifts out of a large sack.

“There’s a teddy bear for everyone,” Cave continued as he handed them to the children. “I haven’t forgotten any of you.” Replies of ‘thanks, Santa!’ could be heard from nearly every child as they received them.

Caroline had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. Once she had, she let a wide, enchanted smile cross her face. As she watched the scene, she wasn’t sure if it was her or the children who were happier.

Cave caught sight of her as he gave the last of the children their teddy bears, and gave her an equally-wide smile. “Merry Christmas, Caroline,” he said as he stood up.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Santa,” Caroline replied, still unsure of what exactly was going on. “I see you took my suggestion of not working too hard to heart.”

“Hold on a sec,” Cave said. He walked over to the side of the room, where the same little girl he’d seen the night before was staring at her Companion Cube.

“Hey, Chell,” he said as he approached her and crouched down next to her. “Merry Christmas.” The girl looked at him with confused, but interested, eyes. “Would you like a teddy bear?” Cave asked as he took the last one from his bag.

She gave no reply, but her eyes lit up as she looked at the bear. She took it in her arms and hugged it tight to her chest, smiling her thanks at Cave.

“You just keep being a good girl, and Santa will bring you a gift next year, too,” Cave promised. He stood up and walked back over to his assistant.

“So what exactly is this…” Caroline began, but she was cut short when her boss unexpected threw his arms around her. “Mr. Johnson?” she asked, happy but confused.

“The strangest thing happened to me last night, Caroline,” Cave confessed as he pulled away from her. “Greg, do you remember Greg?” he asked. “Well, he came back from the dead to warn me, and then three spirits came, one from the past, one from the present, and one from the future…”

“Uh-huh,” Caroline said as she listened. “You weren’t by any chance watching A Christmas Carol before you went to bed?”

“A Christmas what?” Cave asked.

“You know A Christmas Carol, sir,” Caroline insisted. “Dickens story. A grouchy old miser is visited by three spirits on Christmas Eve who show him that he has to change his ways and give to others. It’s a classic.”

“Well… I guess it was kind of like that,” he realized. “Just without the ‘old’ part, right?”

“Right,” Caroline smiled, agreeing to indulge her boss.

Cave turned over the events of the previous night in relation to the story his assistant had mentioned. “But was there a Greg too?” he asked.

“Yes, there was a Greg, too,” Caroline informed.

“Oh,” Cave replied. Now that he had said it out loud, it did seem a little ridiculous. And although everything seemed vivid to him, Cave also recalled Aperture’s failed sleeping pill trials, and how the side effects of those were that the participants were just as adamant about their dreams being reality. “…I dunno, maybe I saw it somewhere and it just came back to me in my sleep,“ he admitted.

“Well, whatever happened, it caused you to give these kids a great Christmas,” Caroline smiled. “So I consider that to be a good thing.”

Cave smiled back at her, and suddenly his eyes widened. “I haven’t forgotten about you, either,” he said, reaching into his bag. Caroline was dumbfounded when he pulled out a small rectangular box. “Merry Christmas, Caroline,” her boss said warmly.

Caroline smiled as she took the present from him. “Mr. Johnson, I… I didn’t get you anything…” she protested.

“You’ve been trying to give me a nice meal and a night off for how many years now?” Cave reminded. “This one’s on me.”

“Thank you, sir,” Caroline said gratefully. She tore at the wrapping paper around the package, and opened the box contained within. “Oh!” she said with surprise as she looked down at a white-and-red silk scarf.

“I hope you like it,” Cave mumbled. “I wasn’t really sure if it was your style, but…”

“I love it,” Caroline replied. She was surprised to find herself suddenly blinking back some stray tears that had come to her eyes.

“Maybe next year you won’t have to compare me to a bear,” Cave joked.

“I… what?” Caroline asked, perplexed. She had nearly forgotten about that incident until her boss mentioned it. And if she barely remembered, then how could he have known?

“Merry Christmas, Caroline,” Cave wished her again.

Caroline smiled. “God bless us, everyone,” she quoted as he pulled her into an embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed reading! It was fun to look back on this story again after a few years. In response to Lady_Isludis's comment about how this affects the timeline... I wish I had a better answer, I honestly just wrote this for fun without much thought to canon. I guess the simple answer is that it doesn't, since we all know the exact same things as in Christmas Future did indeed happen. The only way I can maybe talk my way out of it is by saying that the ending suggests that Cave is starting to think that maybe it was just a dream, and that maybe that leads him to ignore the warnings of the spirits and fall back into his old ways. Kind of a lame excuse, but that's all I've got, unfortunately. 
> 
> Well, time to go see if there's anything else on my tumblr worth salvaging here, I guess...


End file.
